Well Hello There, Hashimoto

Denial . Anger . Acceptance

You can be the judge, I lived a healthy lifestyle. At least for the last two years, I have been living a healthy lifestyle. I eat lots of veggies, I chose fresh juice over artificial drinks, I don’t drink soda, I don’t eat fast food.

And yeah, I drink. Occasionally. Sometimes I drink bottled sweetened tea because it’s my favorite and it boosts my mood on low days. But I’m careful to not drink it everyday. And even when I do drink it, I don’t finish one bottle and I’m careful to choose the less-sugar option. I’m careful to not have any other sweet things after I drink either bottled sweetened tea or beer.

Kamu pasti tau lidi-lidian kan? Atau chiki-chikian deh at least. Yeah. I don’t eat that. I eat salad and I eat fruits. And I drink green tea and I do yoga.

I don’t smoke. I make sure to always wash my hand after using the rest room. I take shower and wash my face before bed. I have hand-sanitizer on my desk at office, as well as face cleansing milk and vitamins and sugarless honey.

And yet. Once God feels queasy, He flicks his finger like, “Aight, you, you. Yeah you. Screw you.”

Then boom.

Gue divonis mengidap hashimoto tiroidistis.

(Seriously God, this is not funny. Honestly though you’ve stopped being funny a few years ago).

.

Hashimoto’s thyroiditis (or also known as chronic lymphocytic thyroiditis) is an autoimmune disease in which the thyroid gland is gradually destroyed. Secara gampangnya adalah sistem imun gw menyerang diri sendiri. Jaringan tiroid yang sehat dikira alien, lalu dihancurkan sendiri.

There’s no known cause for this disease, but there are some suspects, like, genetics. Meski orang tua gw nggak ada riwayat sakit tiroid, tapi ntahlah, mungkin orang tuanya kakek-nenek gw yang ada sakit tiroid, dan munculnya di gw. But it’s just fate. Takdir. Nggak bisa nolak, nggak ada caranya untuk mencegah, nggak bisa bilang “Tuhan, gue nggak mau sakit autoimun.”, nggak ada.

is-there-a-way-to-prevent-hashimoto

God’s way to say “screw you”.

It is treatable, tapi gue basically harus minum obat setiap hari seumur hidup. Kata dokter sih, mungkin belasan puluhan tahun dari sekarang gw bisa minum obatnya dua-tiga hari sekali. Tapi untuk sekarang sih yang pasti nggak bisa, masih harus minum terus setiap pagi. Kata dokter juga, nggak akan mempengaruhi kehamilan selama dijaga dan rutin minum obat (bahkan selama kehamilan pun).

Nurun ke anak? Belum tentu. Tapi yang pasti anak akan punya chance untuk sakit tiroid juga karena tiroid ini genetik. Tapi belum tentu anak pasti akan sakit yang sama.

Dan, Laura temen gw yang seorang dokter pesen ke gw untuk lebih hati-hati karena sekali sudah kena satu auto-imun biasanya jadi lebih mudah kena auto-imun lain. And I was like, fuck my life, right, gw merasa udah sangat berhati-hati selama ini dan tiba tiba kena hashimoto. Gw harus lebih hati-hati gimana lagi?


Lepas dari kemarahan gw karena gw merasa hidup ini tidak adil, menurut mode  Kübler-Ross ada lima tahapan orang berduka sebelum masuk ke acceptance. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Gw merasa diri gw lompat langsung dari denial ke anger langsung ke acceptance ga pake lama.

Mungkin karena gw sudah sering denger lagu-lagu Eminem, gw sudah terlatih untuk langsung convert kemarahan menjadi motivasi.

So yeah, everytime I feel depressed, I’d think of Eminem. I’d listen to his songs cos he speaks to me loud and clear and he’s not cheering me up the way other friends would. He stated the obvious and all I could say was “Yeah you’re right.”

eminem-beautiful-pain

So, yeah. Life sucks. But I’m still alive. Which means I must survive.

Yosh.

2 comments

  1. Madasaina · February 24, 2018

    Hai Henny,
    Senang sekali rasanya ketemu blog kamu.
    Boleh dishare kah gimana awalnya kamu memutuskan utk cek ke dokter soal hipotiroid ini ?
    Sejak 3 taun lalu I had feeling that I have some tiroid issue. Padahal sama sepertimu, “Gaya hidup gue kurang sehat apa coba?” Hahaha.
    But these days, I feel worse. I easily feel exhausted physically, even I blacked out several time on my way to work. Hufh, jadi ini sudah sampai taraf mengganggu aktivitas harian.

  2. RedZzdeLady · February 24, 2018

    Hello Madasaina. Saya langsung cek ke dokter sejak saya lihat leher saya membesar. Langsung cek darah sana sini dan mulai pengobatan within the first month saya mulai sadar pembengkakan di leher. Kamu udah ke dokter?

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