Around two weeks ago i received a chat on my LINE@ app from a girl named Oriana (not a real name). She’s 2 years older than I am, but she’s like a lost little baby princess to me. She was scared, in a mess, paralyzed, and suicidal. She was a wreck. And this was her story..
Oriana is a plus-sized girl trying to lose weight, so she signed into a gym and got herself a personal trainer. And she got involved with the trainer for like, a year, very very close but without status. So he wasn’t her boyfriend, she wasn’t his girlfriend, but they did go out on dates. They hugged. They kissed. But they’re not in a relationship, cos he said their differences are too much. She’s Chinese, he’s not. She’s plus-sized, he’s fit-sized. She’s Christian, he’s a Moslem. She’s 27, he’s 21. Pft.
He’d say things like, “If only you lose 10 more kilos, I will make you my spouse.. But for now I can’t, even though I love you, I still can’t, because our difference is too far.” And everytime Oriana told him about guys she was interested in, he’d scoff and say things like, “Just go and try, I wanna see. As if he will want you back.”
He’d try to change her, make her grow her hair, wear a dress, and lose weight. He’d say, “When I go out with you I put you into consideration. What to wear, what you’d like me to wear. You told me not to wear a cap so I don’t wear one. Why don’t you wanna wear a dress when I asked you to?” (Even though she asked him to shave and he never did)
He crushed her self-esteem so bad that she began to believe that he is SO FUCKIN WORTH EVERYTHING. He crushed and stepped on her self-esteem so bad that she thought she’s SO DAMN LUCKY to walk side by side with him. She hated herself, she was disgusted with herself, she thought without him she’s nothing. It’s all because of the whole year she’s spent with him. But I mean, fuck, dude.. He’s just so so so low that he dragged her with him and even had her believe that she’s lucky to be stepped on by him and be his bitch.
It had been so long since I last felt as angry as I was at that time. I hated him even without havind to meet him in person. And I told her that if he’s thrown in the middle of a bunch of lovable ladies, no one will bat an eye on him. He would have been so very insignificant that he’d be the one who’s suicidal. I hated how he can wreck a poor girl so bad and still have the guts to exist.
On Oriana’s birthday, he told her that he’s done with them. “There’s no more us,” he said, “I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”
BAM. Armageddon. It’s the end of the world for Oriana. She panicked, stressed herself out, stopped eating, smoked more than ever, and even considered to commit suicide.
I know this is stupid. I know Oriana is stupid. But you see, she’s a victim of an abusive relationship. She’s been raped verbally, over and over again, every week, for a whole year! Try constantly telling a girl for a year that she’s fat and ugly and doesn’t deserve love and isn’t desirable, she’ll believe it.
This. Is. So. Damn. Outrageous.
I’m glad Oriana reached out for help and eventually found me. And I am so so glad she listened to me. We argued a little bit but we both agreed that he’s a jerk and he didn’t worth a tear.
Yesterday one of my writings was published, and it’s about abusive relationship. I wrote that some time ago so I didn’t really remember what it’s about, so I read it again. And it reminded me of Oriana. So I sent it to her and I asked her how she’s doing. What she told me, just made my week.
She said, after talking to me she decided to focus to love herself, and now she’s so very far from suicidal. She said she understands how things are, now, and she could see that he’s been trying to drag her down again. But she said because now she knows better, she doesn’t let him get what he wants. She now understands that he’s actually depending on her financially, that’s why he’s playing around with her in his tiny fingers and never really let her go.
I sensed anger in her chat, which is good cos that means she’s passed her depression state. But what’s better, for me, is when I sensed power in her sentences. Like there’s this new wave of energy, when she explained how she’s now focusing on loving herself and on standing stronger. I felt like I was witnessing a catterpillar turning into a butterfly when she said, “Sometimes I think, how is it possible that I once wanted to suicide because of this kind of person?”
I know I shouldn’t take credit cos she’s a strong girl and she will find a way anyway even if it’s not from me, but her transformation made me feel very accomplished. I feel like this is what I wanna do, like this whole relationship coaching thing is what I live for, like I’ve went through a hell lot of breakups and went through a failed (almost)marriage for this.
This is why I write. This is why I accept people who wanna consult through LINE@, eventhough I don’t get paid. This is why. I wanna save lifes, so that my legacy will live on, even far after I’m gone.
I just saved a life.
I’m so happy I wanna cry.
oh btw, my LINE@ ID is @lovablelady. if you know any girl who needs help please refer her to me. as long as i’m the one handling the account, most probably i will still accept one on one chat on workdays.