Church Going Agnostic

Dare I ask… …when I don’t expect an answer?

But sometimes…sometimes… asking and knocking leads to unlocking
So I dare.

Here I am, Lord.
A heretical human engaged in honest prayer

Are you a divine creative essence
or are you a created being?
Are you the ageless mystery born of myth?
Or an imaginary thing?

Are you the cosmic ruler of all that is?
The heavenly parent who provides for all our needs?
Or are you an invisible collage of our developing ideals
called upon to justify our deeds?

Are you an anthropomorphic construct
of philosophers and theologians?
A personification of our conscience?

Are you hero to those who suffer..
who continually wait for the deliverance
that they believe you promised?

Are you the otherworldly overseer of golden streets and crystal seas,
Supreme object of our eternal adoration

Exorcist of the demonic
Broker of conditional salvation

Director of otherworldly dramas
Shepherd of every bullet gone astray
Vengeful agent of bizarre justice
Puppeteer of nature’s dreadful ways

Are you the psychological patchwork
of projected prejudice and human fear?

Are you even there? Can you even hear?

Creator, almighty and in control?
Did you make us in your image to till?
Or did we create an image of you
to fill this hole we feel?

We share a desire for security
To be certain of what it is that we can and cannot hold
Trying to make sense out of this life
Your silent shadow seems so cold

I don’t think that I can trust you
A restless soul, I walk this road
I don’t know what to believe
Suspicious of those who speak so bold

Not sure that my scattered thoughts can offer any consolation
to the faithful ones who grieve
For me, prayer feels more like a placebo
yet I pray that I am not deceived

I believe that honesty is holy
Unaware, we feel around and grope
Finding sacred meanings
in whatever helps us cope

I believe that honesty is holy
Unaware, we feel around and grope

I’m not sure that I believe in heaven
but I still believe in hope



One comment

  1. Kev d'Salvo · September 16, 2012

    Sip. This is good progress 🙂

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